So I have this problem saying "no." I guess it stems from me not wanting to offend people...maybe....my non-confrontational manner...but whatever the reason, I tend to wind up doing things that I really don't feel up to. Now, I'm not talking about compromising myself or anything serious like that-- but in the little matters of life, I have a hard turning people down. Case in point: the Robert fiasco. There is this guy from my church who I got to know before summer ended. Before I go any further, it is not what you think. He is just a nice guy in his thirties who seems like he doesn't have a whole lot of friends. And, I like to think that I'm a nice person....so i was nice to him. Before I left for school we were talking, and he said "hey, i'm in the monteray area a lot, I should give you a ring next time i'm up there" to which i enthusiastically said, "Yah, totally! Here's my cell number, call me and we'll hang out sometime" ...Right. This was in august. Who's going to remember something like that? I never thought he'd actually call me... *sigh* So he callled yesterday and left a message. I told myself that I"d call him first thing today, and plan some kind of dinner outting for sunday...but of course, I forgot. So there's an exhcange of phone tag, but when I eventually talk to him again, he's going to hang out with his family (that's who lives in Monteray, his uncle, i think) and go to Big Sur, and he wants me to go. He says "So my uncle and them were thinking of taking me down to the Big Sur area, and you're welcome to come." oi. That is possibly the last thing in the world that I want to do. Right. So, I tell him that, you know, i've got a lot of studying....that he should hang out with his family...that i'd feel really awkward hanging out with people I don't know, especially his family...blah blah blah. You'd get the hint, right? Well, robert doesn't. He says "No, kim, it's fiine. They want you to come. It's not a problem at all..." and so forth and so on. UGH. So I'm sitting on the curb oustide my car arguing with him for like 5 minutes, trying to get it across that I don't want to go. Maybe next time, ya know? But he's not having it. Finally, I'm like "hey, i really have to go, I'm leaving right this second, I'll call you back later, I guess." (which was true, we were in the freak'n car) *sigh* I wish that i could properly convey the level of frustration and stress he is putting me through right now. haha, no, I am putting myself through. I can't be mean to him, tell him off for pestering me, or anything like that--because I did give him my number and I did tell him that we could hang out. But these were not my terms. This is not okay. And it's not like I will never see him again...I would have to leave my home church if I wanted to avoid him. Ugh. I am so uhappy right now. I still have yet to call him back (told him, which was true at the time...before all my plans fell through) that I'd be busy all night. So I have to call him back tonight, soon, too probably. But it's going to be really bad, because I am in this big deep hole now. If i had just said, the very first ime he called, 'you know, this is a bad weekend" then BAM no problem. But now, with this "wellll, it sounds like fuuun.. but realllly, I'd feel awkward...i should sttuuuddy" crap, there isn't an easy way out.
You can laugh at my misery all you want... but I feel awful right now. And i don't think it's funny.