||[Jul. 20th, 2003|12:20 am]
k i m b e r l y
I really hate the analogy of the "God shaped hole". I hate it, because it's unbelieably overused; I've heard it from a zillion pastors throughout my life, and i'm only 19. I hate it because it's horribly obvious, the second someone even thinks about using it to expound on their point, it becomes painfully clear what they are thinking. A crease appears on their brow, and i can just see the words "it's like this hole in our lives.." forming behind their eyes. I hate it because it lacks originality. I hate it because everyone assumes it will mean profound things for the lost teenager. I hate it because it's true for me.
If you've never heard it...it goes like this: "Everyone has a God shaped hole in their hearts/lives, and we spend all our time trying to fill that hole with other things-- alcohol, sex, friendship, love, money, whatever-- but nothing fits. No matter how hard we try, the only thing that actually makes us complete is God." Typically a moment of guilt-tripping ensues, where the pastor softens his voice as if talking to a hurt child, "do you want to feel satisfied?" he asks, "Do you want to fill your heart's content?" then suddenly it's Glinda to The Wicked Witch in 4 seconds flat, "THEN LET GOD IN YOUR LIFE!"
I don't think everyone is built with this hole; most people get along just perfect without ever thinking about God. And I think a lot of other "god substitutes" work really really well to fill that emptiness. But I know that it's something i've been missing. And i know that i've done it before...have missed it before, found it before, then lost it all over again before. So what makes this time any different? What makes my revelation any different than the hundred other times i've found an answer to the dull ache in my life? Maybe we try and try and try again, because eventually, practice does make perfect. Or if we try enough times, then the odds of our success must be greater. the odds of my success must be greater. Maybe by the time i am 35, I will have it all figured out.